Examine your burdens….

Matthew 11:29-30 (NLT)

Last night, I had an amazing conversation with my wife after Bible study. We got home and sat outside in the car for about an hour. I felt this heavy burden on me and just started to tell Erin everything I was feeling about my frustrations with Christians. It went something like this: “Erin, I feel like Christians should be doing more and spending less time sitting on their butts. I’m tired of Christians trying to be comfortable. They should be out preaching the gospel, talking about Jesus, and just doing more.”

Now, I said a lot more than that, but I just wanted to give a brief synopsis of the conversation.

Erin, being the loving, comforting, passionate, listening wife that she is (and I’m not just saying that because she writes on here) looked into her husband’s eyes and said, “Why are you so angry and frustrated with Christians and Christianity? Who or what is it that is making you feel this way? Do you think it’s because you aren’t doing anything? Do you feel this way because you think you should be doing more?”

I started to contemplate what the issue really was. Did I have a real problem with Christians and American Christianity? Was it a true burden from the Lord? Or was it that the feelings I shared with Erin were actually what I thought about myself? In that moment, God revealed to me that I condemn myself a lot. I think that if I don’t mention the name of Jesus when I talk to someone that I have failed. These are self-condemning thoughts of not being good enough or doing enough for God. But just because I don’t see something happen, doesn’t mean Papa can’t use it. That goes for you as well.

As Erin and I talked and prayed, I realized that the huge weight on my shoulders–heavy as can be and hunching over me was removed. I felt so much lighter!

I have shared this in my previous post, but I have been battling the fact that I have trouble talking about Jesus sometimes. Other times, I have no problem sharing what’s on my heart. I really don’t know why I’m sharing all this. There is no real point to my blog, except that sometimes when you have feelings, thoughts, and ideas–share them with someone. It may actually cause you to sit back, examine your heart, and go to the Father and ask, “why am I feeling this?”

I always want to be real with you all and transparent with my life. My life is an open book. I am not ashamed of my past nor do I regret anything I have ever done. The enemy can use secrets as playing cards in the game called life. And I don’t want to have any secret for him to use against me.

Blessings